Archive for the ‘Articles…Stories’ Category

一人一半才有伴

Posted: May 29, 2010 in Articles...Stories

一人一半才有伴18

文/王偉忠

陶子重義氣,她要我做什麼,我就做什 麼。她要我談一談婚姻感情,就談吧!反正我也到了開口說話會帶點道理,但年輕人聽不進去的年齡。 我跟太太戀愛八年結婚,婚後十七年,總共認識了二十五年。這麼長的時間日夜相伴,身旁偶爾沒有她,感覺很爽,倘若此後一輩子沒有她,萬萬不可。

像前一陣子看到一則意見調查,問年輕女孩,家人、父母、孩子、老公與事業,如果硬要抉擇,會先放棄哪個? 女孩選了選,先放棄了事業,然後家人、父母,剩下老公與孩子難以抉擇,最後選擇放棄孩子、留下老公,理由是家人、父母、孩子最終都會離開身邊,但老公會是 終身伴侶。很殘酷、但也很真實。

中國字的寓意深遠,「伴」,就是一人一半,湊在一起才完整。 現今許多人適婚卻不婚,老人家看了奇怪,過去從沒發生過類似狀況。這現象代表五、六十年來沒有戰亂、年輕人長大過程中享有家庭溫暖與親情支援,因此認為單 身也能過得很好,不論敗犬或是單身貴族,不覺得非要個伴,是歷史上首度可以一個人過日子的平安歲月。

衰老未至,沒有歲月的壓力,等年齡到了,開始覺得孤獨、害怕孤獨,想找個人分享,還是需要個伴。 若要進入婚姻,套一句不負責任的老生常談,要靠緣份,除了緣份以及感性的感覺,還要理性的選擇。婚姻確實需要理性,如果女兒論及婚嫁,我一定要求要看看對方家庭,什麼樣的家庭會養出什麼樣的孩子,當然,也有破碎家庭的孩子更努力維繫自己的幸福家庭,但一定要仔細觀察。

而另一個老生常談就是婚姻需要兩個人有相同的價值觀,但這不是說「我喜歡的你一定要喜歡」,而是「我不討厭你喜歡的」,就可以了,兩人可妥協,可退讓,願 意試著接觸自己本來討厭的,看看是否真那麼不能接受,有這樣願意妥協的心情,比較容易維繫感情。

而婚姻與愛情最大的不同,在於願不願 意改變。願意為了對方改變自己,是真愛,從頭到尾都不想改變自己,這段感情充其量只是對方愛你。 戀愛是短暫的交會後很想在一起而開始,很想閃的結束。開始時乾柴烈火,講究原汁原味,眼前的他什麼都好,是全天下最酷的、最美的,不需要改,但等到愛情疲 了,才發現這人酷到不近人情、美得過於臭美、連刺青的位置不對,趕緊推給個性不合閃人。因此戀愛講究的是如何好聚好散 進入婚姻,當然還是會有許多衝突,學習重點是「相處的藝術」。

男生該學的第一課就是上廁所必須掀馬桶蓋,一開始改變很不習慣,後來融入身體,像吃飯喝水一樣自然。但最近老婆說不只要掀蓋子,尿完還希望我拿! 衛生紙擦擦馬桶周圍留下來的「遺跡」,按照過去的脾氣,一定就「老子愛….」,但現在的我會聽太太的意見,因為「愛」字裡有個心,不是光用腦想著該送什麼禮物給她,要用心。太太也改變不少,她不喜歡戶外活動,婚前知道我愛潛水、跟著背起十幾公斤重的空氣瓶跳進海底求生,這麼愛美的她怕晒黑、塗防晒油塗滿臉,一回頭、嚇一跳, 怎麼來了個歌仔戲花旦跟我一起玩。

婚後我又想潛水,她就說「不必了」,理由是家裡有孩子,不宜從事太危險的活動。 以前一個人在台北發展,要自己照顧自己,還要爭名奪利,不自私很難在短時間之內成就自己。結婚之後學著喊太太的媽媽「媽!」,有食物,不能先放進自己嘴巴,要顧著妻小先吃。我開始懂得心疼與珍惜,因為太太很好,捨不得讓她不舒服、捨不得讓她傷心,這些捨不得讓我自然學會了讓、學會了愛,也自然的改變自己,從自私變成大方。

婚姻的路是每天類似的風景,同樣的過程、淡淡的,要相處得好,真得靠慧根,所以找對象不能光想找個腿長奶大的辣妹,或是像金城武的帥哥,要找個讓自己想起 他來心裡甜甜的,回頭一看,那人就在燈火闌珊處,這就是最好的對象。

而所謂另一半,也不是一開始就契合,是在修正中不斷的磨合,你多一?
I我少一點,像拼圖一樣拼在一起,才能一起過一輩子。 當然,歲月無情,人生最終還是分離。

像我媽媽十六歲嫁給爸爸,相守相愛了一輩子,爸爸十多年前過世之後,媽媽真像少了一半,常凝望遠方,像爸爸就在天的那一邊,令人感傷。但人生如果少了婚姻、少了隨之而來的酸甜苦辣生老病死,少了孩子延續家的價值與感情,真會少掉很多滋味。

A great article by 王偉忠 台灣知名電視節目製作人 discussed about marriage life and the tolerance that a husband and wife needed to go through.

This article made Mummy thinks of the quarel with Daddy on the past Mother’s Day. Daddy was angry at Mummy that Mummy spend a lot of times surfing online, instead of do the ironing for Issac and Belle’s school uniform. Mummy woke up at around 9.30am, and it was a Sunday. The perks was Mummy mistakenly made Daddy’s back pain, then Daddy just packed up his clothes and bags, kissed both of you before he went out from home.

“ I suggest to call your father n clear our problem ok I quite sick of repeating my same request again n again pls arrange i mean it tq. –  Sender: C Alvin Yu +0164118320” After that night around 9.00pm, Mummy received this sms from Daddy. Feel really sad, what a Mother’s Day…

Actually, from the bottom from my heart, I will never think or dream that your Daddy will celebrate this day with me…to him, I am not a really great Mom for him, even a good wife not to say great. But Mummy had tried mummy’s best to take care both of you…even sacrifice the things that mummy wanted to do – Pru Biz. Sometimes, I really think… who am I live for?

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请你记得他们

Posted: November 19, 2009 in Articles...Stories

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This one I had extracted out from Esiang’s Facebook Notes. Made me remind of Mum. Issac and Annabelle, Mummy’s Mum is your both Grandmother. Hope when you see this, when both of you grow up.

Those who are still single may learn something from here.
Those who are already married may take it as a guideline to improve your marriage…  

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"  
I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"  

Here’s the answer.  

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.   Falling in love with your spouse wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called "falling" in love… Because it’s happening TO YOU.  

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.  

Falling in love is easy. It’s a passive and spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It’s the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, could drive you nuts.  

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.  

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfilment.  

Extramarital fulfilment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work,a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.  

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else.   You could.  

And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this): 

DSC00501 THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT’S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience.  It’ll NEVER just happen to you. You can’t "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That’s why we have the expression "the labour of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work. Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It’s a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable. .. you can "make" love. Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"… Not just a feeling.

Remember this always:
"God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go."
So, spent your lifetime finding out the loveable things about your spouse so that you could LOVE your spouse everyday in every way in an EVERLASTING marriage.  That is why grandpa’s love to your grandma seems so PURE.  

Remember,  you are with the "RIGHT" person. If not, you wouldn’t have wanted to marry your spouse in the first place.

No more questions!!!

母親給出的答案

Posted: September 24, 2009 in Articles...Stories

有個孩子對一個問題一直想不通:為什麼他的同桌的同學想考第一名就考上第一,而自己想考第一卻才考了全班第二十一名?

回家後他問道:「媽媽我是不是比別人笨?我覺得我和他一樣聽老師的話,一樣認真地做作業,可是,為什麼我總是比落後他?」

媽媽聽了兒子的話,感覺到兒子開始有自尊心了,而這種自尊心正在被學校的排名傷害著。

她望著兒子,沒有回答,因為她不知道該怎樣回答。

又一次考試後,孩子考了第十七名,而他的同學還是第一名。

回家後,兒子又問了同樣的問題。

她真想說,人的智力確實有三六九等,考第一的人,腦子就是比一般的人靈活。

然而這樣的回答,難道是孩子真想知道的答案嗎?她慶幸自己沒說出口。

應該怎樣回答兒子的問題呢?

有幾次,她真想重覆那幾句被上萬個父母重覆了上萬次的話–你太貪玩了,你在學習上還不夠勤奮,和別人比起來還不夠努力……以此來搪塞兒子。

然而,像她兒子這樣腦袋不夠聰明,在班上成績不甚突出的孩子,平時活得還不夠辛苦嗎?

所以她沒有那麼做,她想為兒子的問題找到一個完美的答案。

兒子小學畢業了,雖然他比過去更加努力,但依然沒有趕上他的同學,不過與過去相比,他的成績一直在進步。

為了對兒子的進步表示讚賞,她帶他去看了一次大海。

就是在這次旅行中,這位母親回答了兒子的問題。

現在這位兒子再也不擔心自己的名次了,也再沒有人追問他小學時成績排第幾名,因為他已經以全校第一名的成績考上了大學。

P1010279放寒假回來時,母校請他給同學及家長們做一段演說。

其中他講小時候的一段經歷:「我和母親坐在沙灘上,她指著前面對我說,你看那些在海邊爭食的鳥兒,當海浪打來的時候,小麻雀總能迅速地起飛,牠們拍打兩三下翅膀就升入天空;而海鷗總顯得非常笨拙,牠們從沙灘飛入天空總要很長時間,然而,真正能飛越大海橫過大洋的還是海鷗。」

這場演說使很多母親流下了眼淚,其中包括他自己的母親。

這位母親從不說一些令孩子洩氣的話,在找不到適當的答案前寧可沉默,以自身之受去支持孩子的一步步成長,孩子在這樣寬容的環境下,最後交出優秀的成績。

教育,是對生命個體的尊重和喚醒,是對人的內在潛能的開發和拓展,讓孩子健康地生長,需要一種平和的心境,一種智慧的胸襟,一種獨特的魅力,這一切必須以寬容為基礎!

What a great mum…sometimes it is really need a lot of patience and empathies to do that, especially they are your love ones.

A Very Touching Story…

Posted: September 16, 2009 in Articles...Stories

Today I received an email from Emily, it is very rare and seldom received her emails. I am thinking of there must be something in it. Once I read the emails, I feels really want to cry…because the story very touching. Thinking that, if I am in the shoes of the person in the story…

蠻感人的一篇文章。

~ 妻子的空位 ~

       

        我的妻子因为意外事故离开我身边已经四年了,我想,妻子留下不会做任何家事的我和孩子,她的心有何等难过呢?我也因为无法兼顾父母双亲的角色而感到挫折。

       

        有一天我为了出差,清晨赶出门,无法将孩子打点好就得离开 家,正巧前一天有剩下的饭,我热了蒸蛋,向还没有睡醒的孩子交代一声,就出门去了。为了照顾好孩子饮食三餐的事,我也无力把自己的工作做好。有一天晚上回到家,我只是很简短地和孩子打个招呼,就因为身体疲累,不想吃晚餐,脱掉西装之后就直接往床上躺下。就在那个时候,砰的一声,红色的汤汁跟泡面瞬时弄脏了床单和被单,原来有碗泡面在棉被里!这小子真是的,说时迟那时快,我实时拿起一个衣架,跑出去,往正玩着玩具的儿子的屁股就打,因为我实在是太生气了,所以不停地打他。但就在这个时候,他边啜泣边说了一段话,使我停了下来。。

       

        儿子告诉我说:「饭锅里的饭早上已经吃完了,晚餐在幼儿园吃了,但是到了晚上,爸爸还不回来,我就在橱柜的抽屉里找到了泡面。可是我想到爸爸说不能乱动瓦斯炉,所以我就打开洗澡的水龙头,用热水泡了泡面,一个自己吃,另一个想留给爸爸吃。因为怕泡面凉掉,所以我就把它放在棉被里,等你回来。可是因为我正在玩向朋友借来 的玩具,所以忘了跟爸爸讲。」我不想让儿子看到我在流泪,所以冲到洗手间,将水龙头打开,大声地哭。过了一阵子之后,我打起精神来,一面 哄着儿子,一面也在他屁股上擦药,让他上床睡觉。当我清理好泡面弄脏的床单和棉被后,打开儿子的房门一看,发现他仍旧发出哭泣声,手里还拿着妈妈的照片。我把头靠在房门站了许久,看着这一幕。

  

        从在一年前发生这件事之后,我为了扮演好妈妈的角色,更加用心地去照顾他。现在儿子快七岁了,不久后就要从幼儿园毕业,进入国小读书。庆幸的是,儿子在这段时间毫无阴影,很开朗地成长。

 

        就在不久前,我再一次打孩子,因为幼儿园来电话说,儿子没有去学校,我心里觉得很不安,所以早退回家,在整个小区里大声地喊他的名字,却是遍寻不着。后来在文具店的门外,看见他站在电玩的前面,于是我很生气,又开始一直打他。儿子并没有说出任何的解释,只说了声对不起。后来我才知道,原来刚好是幼儿园要邀请妈妈去看才艺表演的日子。发生这些事的几天后,儿子回家说,他在幼儿园里学了写字,从此他经常关在自己的房间里不出来,很认真地写字。我看到儿子这个样子,想到妻子在天国也一定会因为看到他这样而微笑,我就无法忍住泪水。

       

        时间很快,又过了一年,到了冬天,街头上都在播放着圣诞节的歌曲,我的儿子却又闯了一个祸。我正要下班的时候,接到一通小区邮局的电话,说我儿子把一捆没有写地址的信,恶作剧地放在邮筒里。每年到了年底,正是邮局最忙碌的时候,所以这对他们造成很大的困扰。虽然我已决定不再打孩子,但在急忙赶回家后,叫了儿子来,我又忍不住痛打他一顿。儿子这一次只是说他做错了,却没有讲出任何理由。我把他推到一个角落,不管了,自个儿跑到邮局领回那一捆恶作剧的信。我把信丢到他眼前说:「你为什么要这样恶作剧?」儿子哭着回答说:「这些信是我要寄给妈妈的。」

       

        当时我的眼眶红了起来,心里很激动,但是因为在儿子面前,所以我尽量隐忍住没有表现出来。我接着问他:「那么,为什么一次寄这么多信呢?」儿子回答说:「以前我要把信投进去的时候,因为个儿太矮,所以没办法投入,但是最近我再去邮筒时,已经够得到了,所以我就把以前没有寄的,一次全部都投进入了。」我听了以后,心中一片茫然,不知道该对孩子说什么话。过了不久以后,我就跟他说:「妈妈现在在天上,以后你写完信,把信烧了,就能送到天国去。」等孩子睡着之后,我到外面烧了那些信。我很好奇到底孩子想跟妈妈说些什么,所以读了其中的几封信。

 

        而当中有一封信搅动了我的心。

亲爱的妈妈:

我很想念你!妈妈,今天在幼儿园有才艺表演,但是因为我没有妈妈,所以没有去参加,我也没有告诉爸爸,怕爸爸会想念妈妈。爸爸到处去找我,但我为了让爸爸看到我很开心的样子,所以故意坐在电动玩具面前,虽然爸爸骂我,但是我到最后也没有告诉他原因。妈妈,我每天都看到爸爸因为想念妈妈而哭泣,我想爸爸也跟我一样,很想念妈妈吧!但是,妈,我现在已经记不清楚你的脸。妈妈,请你让我在梦中,再一次能够看到你的脸,好吗?听说把想念的人的照片放在怀里睡觉,就会梦到那个人。可是,妈妈,为什么你没有出现在我的梦里呢?」

        读完这封信以后,我就开始嚎啕大哭。到底什么时候,我才能填补妻子的空位呢?

 

给已经结婚的女同事:P1010017

不要加太多班,工作做不完,一定是公司的某些地方出问题了,一定要将问题反应给?的老板,一直加班也不见的有用的,请务必要照顾自己的身体,才可以好好疼惜? 的小宝贝。

 

给已经结婚的男同事:

不要喝太多酒,不要抽太多烟 ,请问我们的生意,我们的客户,有比我们的身体重要吗?一定要想一想,有没有办法做到客人非我们不行,我们的差异化在哪里,我们是否真的懂客人的心,这比拼命喝酒,还重要,请务必要照顾自己的身体,才可以好好疼惜?的小宝贝和你的爱人。

 

给还没有结婚的男同事和女同事:

美其实是从爱自己的身体开始。无入而不自得 — (孔子)。

 We should appreciate whatever we have.,,