Mum In Memory…

Posted: June 7, 2010 in Thoughts...

I read Ika’s blog today. One of it really strikes my heart at the start as I thought it was her something like love story, eventually when I finished it, she is writing about Mum. And, the memories she had with her.

Out of four of us, I am the one who is not really close to Mum, because after my STPM, I straight away came to Kuala Lumpur and working already. Even, my STPM results too, is Mum who took it from my High School. Now, think back, I would never know what is her feelings that time. My results really no good. Out of 5 subjects, only Pengajian Am A, Mathematics E, and the rest subject Physics, Chemistry were R (half paper pass only) and Additional Mathematics is F which is Fail. Probably that point of time, she really feel sad… What kind of daughter am I huh?

Now, my turn becoming a Mother for 2 kids. It is really never an easy task to take on , and at that moments they are 4 of us. She is really a great Mum! One will never know how your mum feels at least when you become one. This is true and fact.

After reading Ika’s blog, really miss her very much, and really regret that I have know nothing about her at all all these while…

還記得嗎? – By Ika Too

月圓人團員的中秋剛過,
我突然想起了你……
或許該說,從沒忘記,
只是不願再次觸碰胸口的痛而已。
原本想在當天靜靜的完成想要說的話。
結果躲不過懶惰的使喚,還是偷懶去了。
xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx
嘿~~你還記得嗎?
曾經,我們是多麽的親密,
最喜歡把我的小手,牽著你溫暖的手,
過馬路也好……撒嬌也好……
就是喜歡感覺你的溫度。
嘿~~你還記得嗎?
雖然,我們偶爾也會爭吵,
很快的,我們又會嘻嘻哈哈地……
好像,沒事兒一樣
我又成功的讓你開心了。
嘿~~你還記得嗎?
青春期的我,
問了你一句話:假如,我拍拖了,你會怎樣?
你只是笑著說:那你的功課一定完蛋了~~
簡單的一句話,
卻是你對我的一種信任和窩心的話。
至今我都還沒有交往的對象。
嘿~~你還記得嗎?
那一年,我們又激烈的爭吵了
你哭了,我也哭了。
我懊惱自己弄哭了我心愛的人,
雖然,那時候的我,
並不懂得如何愛惜我愛的人……
嘿~~你還記得嗎?
你不舒服~~是我們爭吵的那一次之後
我很害怕
暗地裏哭了,
我突然很害怕我會失去你
真的很害怕……很害怕……
嘿~~你還記得嗎?
我沒辦法控制我的淚腺
從那一刻起
我就不停的哭
我只能夠讓自己的淚干了
才能面對你說話。
嘿~~你還記得嗎?
虛弱的你還擔心說
可能要花很多的費用呢~~
不懂事的我,不知費用有多大
我卻告訴你說別擔心,
大人們會搞定的。
嘿~~你還記得嗎?
當我望著你半清醒的模樣
說不出話的時候,
我的心被撕裂了~~
撕裂,心痛的感覺
我在當下都嘗盡了。
我只丟下一句‘振作點’就奔出門外
我崩潰了……
因為,我沒有辦法看著你痛苦的模樣
雖然,我應該說更多更多的話激勵你
不管你聽見或沒
嘿~~你還記得嗎?
陪你走過最後一段艱難的時間
也是我最煎熬難過的一天
因為,我沒有放棄過等待奇迹的心
也正如負面思想沒有抛下我一樣~~(矛盾)
直到心電圖顯示沒有了心跳,一切靜止了
你的手,沒有了溫度,
我才徹底的被撕裂了……
xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx
當我以為我就快要忘了一切,
所有的畫面又浮現在我面前。
我並沒有忘記
一切的一切,都是我不想碰觸的傷口
難以抹煞的記憶。
如果,人類的記憶
如同電腦一樣,只需點擊一下就能清除掉,
很幹淨利落,不是嗎?
只可惜,我不是電腦。
所以,我沒辦法丟掉所有有關你的記憶
如同我沒能忘記如何呼吸。

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